"Family Titles: Positions Of Birthright"

A restaurant run by one of our fake uncles.
Photo by Elaine Marschik
(http://www.flickr.com/photos/marschik/3904843993.jpg)

If someone who wasn’t my child said to me “you’re like a father to me”, I’d be honored. If someone who wasn’t my child called me “dad”, I’d be horrified.

When I had a son, there were some cousins in his mother’s extended family who decided it would be novel to take my son on as a nephew. Suddenly my little guy who once had numerous cousins had very few cousins but an unnatural number of aunts and uncles. Of course, the phenomenon was limited to the “older” cousins, the ones who somehow warranted a more respectful title because of their advanced age. Essentially the terms “cousin” and “uncle” ceased having a familial meaning and became rankings in a hierarchy, like the lords and barons of the feudal system in medieval England.

My father, like myself, always frowned on this artificial type of self-knighthood. He preferred titles to be accurate, reflecting the relationships between relatives as they really were, because he considered the terms “cousin”, “uncle”, “dad” and all others to be strictly positions of birthright – positions that blood had made for a purpose and that no man should put asunder. If anyone adopted a false title for themselves my father considered it a blasphemy – it was an insult to the real blood relation whose job it was, in my father’s eyes, to be that relation. That kin had certain duties that were to be performed, responsibilities reserved for only that kin, and ones that could not be taken away by an imposter. There was no doubt what approbations were associated with the titles of grandparent, parent, aunt or uncle. My father and I gently tried to tell my young impressionable son that in fact some of his “uncles” were really his cousins, but I’m not sure if he understood or if he even cared.

To many, the familial titles can be interchanged at no great consequence, for others it’s a big deal. For the genealogist unfortunately, it’s essential that we get it right. If you are so popular that the world calls you their uncle, then you were given no choice but to accept that honor and I salute you (shout out to the late great Milton Berle). But, sorry… you won’t be given that honor on the family tree unless it's been legitimately inherited.